Rogues Gallery

[Hutchinson56]

In the tradition of the famous, but sadly no longer maintained Priesty's Refuge... here we have the Chelsea White Wall Rogues Gallery.

To give you an idea of the kind of scumbag we're looking for, I'll start this off by listing Priesty's top six villains, complete with reasons and sources:

Number 1:
DAVID ELLERAY

"Referee", 1994 FA Cup Final. Gave TWO penalties.

"That's a penalty - oh dear did I forget to look ? Never mind, it's only the bloody Cup Final"

* No, I haven't forgiven.
* Or forgotten.
* Yes, I AM bitter.
* No, it's not a very christian attitude.
* You're right, I don't give a monkey's.

Number 2:
DEAN "FINBAR" SAUNDERS

Accidentally committed a deliberate, terrible foul on Paul Elliott, who never played again.

* Got away with it in court.
* Sneaked off to Turkey.
* Sneaked back to join Forest.
* Came to the Bridge.
* Kicked everybody who came near.
* Mouthed off to the crowd when Forest scored.
* The slimy midget.

Number 3:
GORDON "JUKE BOX JUDAS" DURIE

"I'll always love Chelsea - except if someone comes in with an offer.."

* Judas said he loved Chelsea.
* To prove it he pissed off to Spurs for a few quid.
* Slagged Chelsea off to anyone who'd listen (his mum).
* Buggered off back to Glasgow because he was shit.
* No one's heard of him since.
* Good riddance.

Thanks for the suggestion to C.Smith and some bloke with a
Compuserve e-mail account who didn't leave his name.

Number 4:
KENNETH DALGLISH

"Hoodena heedana fooking baistard oan the pitch an' Ah'm no pooting op wi' it"

"Hey Boss - what the fook
are ye talkin aboot ?"

* The most miserable man in football.
* Nobody understands a f*cking word he says.
* Just as well.
* Always moaning that Newcastle were unlucky.
* They were - they had that miserable git as a manager.

Cheers to the irrepressible Billy the Bridge for that one.

Number 5:
Roy "The Butcher" Keane

"Ough ough ough ough ough fecking ough"

"Please, Roy, let go of me knackers"

* The man with the most primitive brain in football.
* Thinks he's a hard man because he kicks footballers.
* My Mum reckons she could beat him in a straight fight.
* Nobody likes him (except a few halfwits).
* Sorry, that was out of order, well over the top.
* Like the majority of his tackles.
* The twat.

Thanks to Snorri Valsson from Iceland for the nomination, plus about 50 other people with the same sentiment.

Number 6:
ROBBIE FOWLER

Called Graeme Le Saux a "f*cking queer" and offered him his cheesy arse in front of 35,000 people. Said "f*ck your family" when told by Le Saux that it was them who'd be upset by it. Cried in public when it was suggested he took drugs, said it hurt his family. f*ck his family.

"Look - I've changed, honest !"

* Loudmouthed
* Homosexualist
* Hypocritical
* Moron

I [Priesty] suggested this one myself, on the grounds that everyone else will sooner or later :-)

So who's the footballing villain you most love to hate, and why do you hate him (or her .. no sexism here!)?

Tell us all about it. We want to know. No, we demand to know.

Huge thanks and massive kudos to Alex Priest.

[Mehitabel]

I love the look of this! I can't begin to rival these witty comments. But I do have what I admit is an illlogical dislike of Wayne Rooney. I say "illlogical" because I have no factual basis for it, just looking at him makes me feel queasy!

[Mehitabel]

OR, on reflection, I could have put it like this:

WAYNE ROONEY
One of the most over-rated players of all time, with a nasty, petulant side to his game that's all too often overlooked by pundits and referees alike.

* Fat and ugly
* Scouse
* Shrekalike
* Thick as two short ones
* Hair transplant

But he's an Engerlund international. And he plays for Man U. And it's part of who he is. Yeuch.

[BlueBeard]

EMLYN HUGHES
Arrogant slimy northern git who thought he was a hard-man.

* broke the young Peter Osgood's leg in a league cup tie at Blackpool, then mouthed off to him as he was taken off on a stretcher
* signed for Liverpool and became an adopted scouser
* had a high pitched whine of a voice, which he inflicted on millions of people in the early 70's on "A Question Of Sport"
* suspected of alleged attempted bribery of Arsenal players in 1972
* revelled in the nickname of 'Crazy Horse', a bit ironic that he died of a brain tumour

To cut a long story short, the man was a prize c*nt

[BlueBeard]

CRISTIANO RONALDO
Possibly one of the most hateful characters ever to play football.

* The biggest diving cheat in the history of football
* never does anything straightforward, insists on at least three stepovers whenever he has the ball
* clearly homosexual, yet desperately tries to give the opposite impression
* struts around as if he's God's gift to football, he's so arrogant it hurts
* wears enough grease in his hair to cook a 30lb turkey

I truly wish Chopper Harris was still playing, I'd love to have seen him break Ronaldo in half with a tackle

[Hutchinson56]

Bit of a controversial one this, but here goes:

DAVE SEXTON
Ok he won the FA Cup and Cup Winners Cup, for which we'll forever be grateful, even though this was largely with Tommy Doc's team. However, he also:

* Sold Peter Osgood, Alan Hudson, Charlie Cooke
* Sold Tommy Baldwin and Paddy Mulligan
* Took John Hollins with him to QPha

Thanks for the silverware Dave, but your appalling man management skills cost the club dearly. Brian Mears has been slated for being over-ambitious in planning for a 60,000 stadium, but it was your failure to keep hold of the players who could have fulfilled that ambition that ultimately came so close to putting the club out of business and from which it took so long to recover.

[Hutchinson56]

A little less controversial this time.

STEVEN "STARFISH" GERRARD
Horrible cheating hypocritical whiny scouse git. "Diving is ruining the game", he says. "I'm glad we don't have anyone like that at Liverpool", he says. Looked in the mirror lately?

* Punches barmen, gets found not guilty by a jury of Liverpool supporters
* Loved and feted by the media, who ignore his diving and turn a blind eye to his hypocrisy
* Never mind the stats: popular (i.e. scouse and media) mythology has it that he's a far better player than Frank Lampard

[BlueBeard]

Bit of a controversial one this, but here goes:

I tend to agree with all of that and more. Despite his initial success, Sexton didn't have any man-management skills at all, so ended up destroying the best team we ever had, and then f*cked off and left us in the sh*t.

[Hutchinson56]

It's good to know you agree with me. I think a lot of Chelsea fans might well see things differently.

[benjen]

Why is Evra not in the list? Take a look at the Youtube video of Evra http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMOWi3PRDJM

Love him or hate him Suarez was stitched up and he's mixed race. John Terry got no chance with the FA no matter what happens in court.

[Hutchinson56]

Well firstly, even if Suarez was stitched up, which is debatable but is not a debate I can be bothered to get into - never mind that when it comes to cheating, Suarez is one of the worst offenders in the entire modern game - stitching up a Liverpool player is hardly fitting criteria for inclusion in a Chelsea Rogues Gallery, now is it? Accusing a Chelsea steward of racism (remember that?), on the other hand - now that's another matter entirely.

As for the question of why hasn't Evra been included. If you feel strongly enough about Evra, don't leave it to someone else to add him as a villain, do it yourself. But if you do, stick to offences against Chelsea only.